CULTURAL SILENCE: THE STRUGGLE TO SPEAK ABOUT PREMARITAL SEX IN INDIA

In India, conversations about premarital sex are heavily influenced by cultural values and societal norms. Despite the growing impact of global perspectives and shifting attitudes, the topic remains largely taboo. This cultural divide makes it difficult for individuals to openly discuss intimacy before marriage

Traditional Indian values continue to shape the discourse around sex and relationships, both publicly and privately. “Traditional values often treat sex as sacred yet hidden, fostering a culture of silence around intimacy. Conversations typically happen behind closed doors, and the subject remains taboo in public spaces. Even within families, discomfort prevails, leaving many to grow up without the language to express their feelings or boundaries,” said Dr Prerna Kohli, Clinical Psychologist & Founder, MindTribe.in.

Dr Prerna Kohli

“In India, sex is closely tied to morality, with chastity often valued more than exploration. Popular culture reinforces the idea of saving sexuality for marriage, rather than recognising it as a natural, psychological, and biological need,” added Sonnal Pardiwala, Counselling Psychologist and Accredited Stress Management and Mindset Coach (ICF-PCC).

Cultural and societal expectations strongly shape how people perceive premarital sex in India. “The norms promote abstinence before marriage and often equate premarital sex with a lack of morality, particularly for women. This can lead to feelings of confusion and guilt, even in respectful and consensual relationships,” noted Dr Prerna.

Topics like premarital sex still evoke discomfort and judgement in Indian society. Sonnal explained, “New generations often follow in the footsteps of the previous one, but topics like sexuality aren’t openly discussed. A major issue is the ‘lack of skill’ in how to talk about sexual matters because it’s not a common conversation like finance or parenting. Shame and silence act as barriers, preventing comfort around the shift from morality to pleasure-seeking.”

Sonnal Pardiwala

Views around premarital sex in conservative societies shape young minds, influencing how they perceive relationships and intimacy. “Young people experience inner conflict, caught between their own feelings and societal expectations of what’s considered ‘right’, leading to secrecy, anxiety, and self-blame. When intimacy is viewed negatively, it becomes difficult for them to form healthy, trusting relationships,” remarked Dr Prerna.

Sonnal added, “Sexuality is not seen as a natural desire but is linked to shame, leading to guilt over urges. Men hide to masturbate, and girls are discouraged from exploring their bodies. The younger generation lacks space to understand their sexual needs. Newly married daughters rarely discuss intimacy, and sons too avoid discussing sexual concerns with their fathers, expecting them to simply cope.”

Despite being legal, premarital sex remains taboo in India. Dr Prerna clarified, “Legality doesn’t always equal acceptance. A strong social stigma still persists, especially in rural and traditional settings. While urban areas may appear more open-minded, they are not free from judgement.”

Though global media exposes youth to diverse ideas, it often misguides them through pornography. Sonnal remarked, “In India, sex education remains limited to anatomy and reproduction, leaving gaps in understanding intimacy. Pornography can mislead youth about pleasure and connection, as true intimacy comes from self-exploration and experience. To guide them, we need clear examples of healthy sexual relationships.”

Talking about sex and relationships at home doesn’t have to be a clash between tradition and modernity—it can be a bridge. “It starts with creating safe, non-judgemental spaces. Just listen. Parents don’t need to have all the answers. Simply showing openness—even if it’s awkward—is a great first step. Begin with values like respect, consent, and emotional readiness,” suggested Dr Prerna.

When a person’s beliefs about love and sexuality don’t align with their family or community’s expectations, the emotional toll can be immense. “Many end up living double lives—appearing to conform outwardly while quietly battling inner conflict,” explained Dr Prerna. “This ongoing struggle can trigger anxiety, depression, and a profound sense of isolation.”

Sonnal echoed that this internal tug-of-war often leads to emotional disconnection. “The pressure to accept imposed values can fracture relationships, sometimes even causing lasting estrangement between individuals and their families.”

Open dialogue around intimacy is essential for emotional well-being. “When intimacy is silenced, it breeds shame and fear,” said Dr Prerna. “Talking about it openly builds trust, self-awareness, and emotional safety.” Sonnal added, “Intimacy is natural. When families accept it tenderly, it creates secure bonds. Avoiding it often leads to long-term trauma that can span generations.”

Gender roles and the shame surrounding female sexuality deeply impact mental health. “Girls are taught to be ‘pure’, while boys enjoy more freedom, leaving many women feeling ashamed of their needs and bodies,” reflected Dr Prerna. Sonnal noted that societal pressure forces women into silence, creating emotional suppression and isolation.

Public figures can help shift societal views on intimacy. “When celebrities speak honestly, it normalises the conversation and reassures others they’re not alone,” averred Dr Prerna. Sonnal asserted, “They shape mindsets. By opening up about discomfort, shame, and growth, they help move us from guilt to healthy acceptance.”

While mindsets are slowly evolving, premarital sex remains a taboo in India, burdened by silence and stigma. Change begins with open, respectful conversations at home. By bridging tradition with empathy, we can foster healthier and more honest relationships.